In the dreamland, but not so much

Continuing where I left, I am finally in college. My first impression of it was that the place was so big, and it was; it's a campus now, with so many different departments, administrations; not to mention that it is the most prestigious college in my state. It felt good walking inside the gates, and looking for my classroom.

My first class was topography, right away on the field, so I was pretty excited; architecture has 70% of its subjects as practice lessons, or lab lessons. Expository lessons are usually grouped up in the first two years, and are mostly about art and history. I did have calculus and statistics, and god knows how I managed those two, because I don't remember anything I learned back then. These 2 subjects were dropped from the curriculum once I graduated, and replaced for something else. Sucks for me, or maybe not.

First year was a blast. All of us had the energy to get through everything, most of the subjects were introduction to something, so it wasn't that hard anyway. It's kinda like Gaiety and Xpecial; we know they are in college, but you never see them studying or anything. Geniuses should just catch on fire. It was during the first year that I played my first online game ever, a korean grinder called DragonRaja. It was pretty fun, I got to meet people from around the world, I could actually practice my english with them, I found out that the Chinese people there knew who to hack everything, since very few things were actually server sided. But it was still grind, so I ended up dropping away soon. GMs were very corrupt, there was no point in trying to grind for what everyone else got for free from them.

Second year started. Classes started to look a lot more architecture oriented. We had less professors from other departments, and a lot more project classes. It was pretty tough; our schedule was very tight, and I had my first allnighters in that year. Half way into that year I had a situation that changed my perspective of the course, why I was there, and if I should stay there. During the architectonic project class, while I was presenting a preliminary study to my professor and the class, he interrupted me and said my study wasn't good. He then complemented that if that was everything I could give him, then I should consider choosing something else to pursue. Everything fell apart to me that moment. The silence that followed those words, the shock of my classmates, and the professor himself realised what he had said, it was awful; I had never felt so defeated in my life. I wasn't even embarrassed by being exposed in that way, I was just too powerless to react to it.

I left the room while someone else proceeded to present his study and sat on a bench outside the lab block. I think I stayed there for about half an hour, with my mind being completely blank; I believe I cried too, but I probably didn't realise I was. The professor came out by himself, approached me, but he couldn't say anything, so he went back in. I just kept staring into nothing, not knowing what to do. Everyone, even the other half of the class that was having landscape lab, came to comfort me during the break. I thanked them and went home, I couldn't really do anything else for the day. At home I laid in my bed and stayed there until the next day.

Words are sharper than knives, and they pierce harder than guns. They are strong enough to save or to destroy someone.

What that man said to me became some sort of truth in my life, and restrained me for the rest of the course, and after. The already difficult and demanding course became a penitence. I'll talk more about it next time; this is actually very emotional to me, and if you can relate to it, I am also going to tell how I've been trying to get around it. There's hope, you may fall, and you will, but there are ways to stand up again.